this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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