Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
