it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
