We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
