She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
