your parents love me but you hate me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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