Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
