so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's rum buckets o'clock
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