these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
