I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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