The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
