imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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