remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
