i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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