haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
