God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
