I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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