After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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