YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
