Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My bed smells like the plague
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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