Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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