Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
