I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
