Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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