If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We are all done wearing pants today
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
