Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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