On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
