Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
