Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
