you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
