If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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