the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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