I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
