So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
