and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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