What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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