you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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