Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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