Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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