You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
