Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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