He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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