I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
