Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
