no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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