Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
