U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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