my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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