I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
