I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
