Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
