When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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