Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
