It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
