And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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