i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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