dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
