OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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