I wish I could teleport
Do you still have your period?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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