my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
