Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
