I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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