On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
