I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
