she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
